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How to Lean Into Acceptance and Build Resilience

Writer's picture: Teresa HobbsTeresa Hobbs


What is Resilience?


Resilience is essentially flexibility in the face of challenges. A person who has a lot of resilience is able to “bounce back” from physical, emotional or mental adversity.


They are able to move through the discomfort of the challenge while maintaining awareness that it won’t last forever and being able to hold an optimistic perspective that new things are possible.


Resilience is when we are able to trust the cycles of expansion and contraction and can move with the waves or ride the waves.


Part of resilience is the ability to remain OPEN to renewal. It doesn’t require us to deny the past or avoid the pain we feel. It actually requires the courage to FEEL the pain or discomfort, process it and then open ourselves to receive.


People who practice resilience are able to:

  • Ask for support.

  • Practice self-care.

  • Utilize Self Compassion and are kind to themselves during challenges.

  • Maintain healthy boundaries.

  • Allow themselves to receive nurturance and grow even under less than ideal circumstances.



What is Acceptance?


Acceptance in human psychology is a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest, or exit.


Essentially: It IS what is IS.


Acceptance is a form of surrender that allows us to conserve energy that we might have used fighting against in favor of redirecting our energy to better purpose. I'll use the example of floating on your back in the water. When we surrender the need to keep ourselves afloat and instead just let go and trust, the water holds us up and we conserve energy. This is a form of acceptance.


Resilience and Acceptance are not fixed states. We have access to them in different amounts at different times. They can both be cultivated and developed.



What are some of the blocks to resilience?

  • Developmental Trauma & inadequate nurturance as a child.

  • Trauma or adversity that was bigger than any current physical, emotional or mental capacity.

  • Severe stress (physical, emotional, mental).

  • Low nervous system capacity.

  • Low self regard.

  • Fear.

  • Overwhelm.

  • Pain.

  • Shame.

  • Lack of trust.

  • Lack of safety.


What keeps us from being able to accept what is?

  • Fear that accepting it might mean it will never change.

  • Fear of the pain, blame or regret we might feel when we finally DO accept what is.

  • Fear that things WILL change and that we will have to try to adapt to something unknown.

  • Fear of losing control.


How do we expand Resilience and Acceptance?


Somatics:

  • Normalizing and acclimating to the felt senses of discomfort, ease AND pleasure.

  • Easing into the body by identifying places that feel neutral, safe or good.

  • Spending short moments noticing and feeling into areas of the body that feel uncomfortable and then moving back to the neutral, safe and good places.

  • Spending short moments noticing and feeling areas of the body that feel pleasurable and then moving back to the neutral and safe places.

Somatic Experiencing Therapy

Somatic Inquiry

Somatic Tracking


Cognitive:

  • Creating space between the thoughts and beliefs and practicing from an Observer Role.

  • Cognitive inquiry ..... questioning our own thoughts and beliefs.

  • Mindfulness meditation.

  • Recognizing that being human is to face challenges.

  • Learning to embrace failure as a positive guidance system that tells you when to shift gears and try another approach.

  • Expanding the concept of what our human purpose is truly about.

  • Developing our spirituality and connecting to a higher purpose.

  • Offering reassuring messages of safety to remind ourselves that we are safe and change can lead us to something wonderful.

  • Internal Family Systems (Parts Work).

  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.


Nervous System:

  • Developing an understanding of the nervous system and how it works.

  • Learning and mapping our own unique nervous system.

  • Practicing regulation tools.

  • Practicing self compassion.


Relational:

  • Learning about our attachment patterns.

  • Taking inventory of our relationships and friendships and releasing toxic, unsupportive or misaligned connections with people who amplify any insecure attachment patters we hold.

  • Seeking out relationships with others who have more secure attachment styles.

  • Exploring inner child reparenting with ourselves.

  • Practicing self compassion.

  • Working with a coach or therapist who is trained in attachment healing work.



In Summary:


To develop more capacity to lean into acceptance and build resilience, we need to be open and willing to work with our fear and our pain. We don't have to dive in over our heads or push beyond our capacity. That's actually counter productive and will only shrink our access to resilience.


We simply need to be willing to take small steps that feel tolerable. As we challenge ourselves a little bit here and a little bit there, we grow our capacity and we expand our access to resilience. We have to be willing to exchange the pain and fear we are holding for the promise of more freedom, ease and trust that we can navigate life and all its many challenges.



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